The final nail

Yesterday my ex-husband got remarried. It's such a strange feeling to know that your ex is married now to someone else. This is the person that I gave 20 years of my life to. I think other people had more emotional problems with the wedding than I did. I had some moments leading up to it but on the actual day yesterday, the only sadness that I felt was for those three girls that we created together. They were standing there watching their dad marry the woman who he had left our family for. It was gut-wrenching to think about. I am not a product of our divorce nation. I do not know how it feels to be a child who has to make their way in the muddy after effects of a choice that an adult who should never let you down makes. I received text messages from Ella that tore me apart. She wanted to come home. She outright said she wasn't happy about it. As a mother my instinct was to hop on the next flight and go be with my children and their delicate souls and minds. But this is something I have had to grow through. I don't have control or a say in everything that goes on in their lives. I can't protect them from this painful reality. I can't protect them from something that NEVER should have happened to begin with. It saddens me to see not only my children but so many kids that are in this position of having to make sense of a life of betrayal and bad choices.

My hope for my children is that they can see past the betrayal and accept love as they go forward without fear of rejection or of having their hearts torn out. It is something that I struggle with myself, but I can handle it. I'm an adult. I want them to know that all men do not leave, all men do not cheat, all men are not weak and cowardly. Some men stand up in the midst of a valley in their marriage and pray for God to come into the marriage and heal and protect. That is what I pray for these three girls, that they find those kind of men.