Cheating, Adultery, Douchebaggery...whatever you want to call it

I had a conversation today with someone who will for obvious reasons remain nameless. The conversation involved this person divulging to me that they had had an affair. This person actually thought I'd understand why they went outside of their marriage because I have spoken that I am happier now that I am away from marriage, which is a true statement, but the thing is even though I can say that now, I still would not have ended my marriage because of this. I didn't feel sympathy for this person and their loveless marriage or the fact that they weren't happy. I was pissed off. I had to remind myself that this was an opportunity for me to share my thoughts on this subject.

The first thing I told this person is that they owed it to their marriage/spouse to do everything possible to strengthen and to renew the relationship they had. I honestly believe most marriages can be saved if both parties will just get past their own selfishness and really look at the person that they married and see their needs. I loved two books last year The Love Dare and also The Five Love Languages. I recommend them to anybody who I think might need them. They didn't save my marriage but that was because only one of us wanted it to be saved.

If saving the marriage isn't possible then they owe it to that spouse who they promised their life to, to leave them before any kind of cheating occurs. Being cheated on is humiliating. It makes you feel worthless and it brings up so many raw emotions of betrayal at its greatest level. I could have accepted a mid-life crisis, a hormonal imbalance, that my spouse didn't love me or that he was homo-sexual easier than I could have an affair. This person actually told me that their marriage was just dull and boring now, that they wanted the thrill of the first kiss and the first date. I get that. It is exciting, but I would trade that in a heartbeat for the constancy of marriage, for a partner to talk to about issues in my life, someone to make decisions with and someone who knows you who knows your body and that comfort level you just have with a spouse. I miss that.

I then went on to ask this person what kind of relationship they expected to have with the exciting party once they both have left their dull lives and hopped the fence. Crazy answer! "They get me", "Physically it is amazing", "we have fun together". Well no shit. It's fun because it's like you are on a roller coaster. It's partly scary and partly thrilling, but the ride ends. And then you are left with this person, with each other, two people who can't be trusted. What then? You sit around and wait for the first one to cheat? That sounds like an amazing way to live your life.

I have no idea if I reached this person. I probably didn't, but at least I didn't sit idly by and allow them to spew this crap and make it sound like they deserved better. I imagine they won't be coming to me for advice or as a good ear in the future. I have some major opinions on this and I can't give on them. It isn't ok with me. I don't want to hear about it. In fact I'm pretty fired up about it right now. It would probably be best for me to avoid this particular couple for the long haul now.