The men in my life

"I live with her in the beauty of peace and of all delight and sweetness, I am directed by her counsels, supported by her prayers. I press forward by her merits, I am upheld by her kindnesses and daily I enjoy conversation with her."

Guibert of Gembloux regarding Hildegard of Bingen


I have been watching my oldest, for the last couple of years, forge a friendship with the boy across the street. It is interesting to watch. At times I think there is somewhat of a mutual crush that is happening and then at other times, I see them acting just as friends do. They spend any time that they have at home, together. He is a fixture at our house and is a great kid so I don't mind. We will be moving in a couple of weeks and I know this will be hard on them, but we'll make every effort to continue this friendship from a few neighborhoods away. This friendship has made me reflect on all of the great male/female relationships I have had in my life and how those "boys" helped me become who I am now.

My first boy/girl friendship was with a boy named William. He lived next door. He constantly had a Kool-Aid mustache and could do no wrong in his mother's eyes. We spent hours playing kickball, riding our bikes and just hanging out in the side yards between our two houses. He was my first kiss although it was gross and it never happened again, and he was the one who spilled the beans on Santa. I have no idea where William is now, but he gets the honor of being my first male "friend".

A few years later...ok actually a lot of years later and I am in high school...I met Bryan. Bryan and I were probably the most unlikely of friends. This was a relationship that teetered on friendship/romance constantly. We never tipped the scales into the romance department though. He had an apartment our senior year in high school(long story) and I spent a ton of time there. I had a crush on his best friend, which resulted in a fight between the two of them. We shared our dating adventures and misadventures with each other. I was hurt on my wedding day when Bryan didn't show up. Out of every friend who was important for me to have there, he was the one. Honestly I would have had him stand up with me. Bryan reappears in my life every now and then and it is like we have never been apart. He is now married to a beautiful woman and has three gorgeous kiddos and I could not be happier for him. He is in politics now, which is no surprise to me at all.

Jeff came along around the same time that Bryan did. We went to church camp together. We spent hours watching all of the 80's brat pack movies. Breakfast Club will forever be our movie, and I'll never be able to enjoy a Kit-Kat ever again thanks to him. Jeff worked at the movie theater with my boyfriend at the time and so I saw a ton of movies with the two of them. Jeff and I rode to school every day together and then we spent our freshman year at Graceland together. He was like the brother I never had. I ran into him at a Mavericks game awhile back and he hasn't changed a bit. He is an artist now.

When I got married it was harder to keep up these friendships. I let them slide. Partly because I didn't feel that it was appropriate for me to be so close to these guys. I never realized how much I missed having male friends in my life until J.R. left. He never really filled that role for me. We could laugh and have a good time together, but he and I never had that bond that I had with my other male friends throughout my life. That brother bond.

In October I received a message through Facebook from a guy, Travis, that I had gone to junior high/high school with, offering me support during this difficult time. He was going through a similar situation and we began corresponding. I honestly am not quite sure that I would have made it through these past 8 months without him. He knows everything that goes on in my life. I know everything that goes on his. We talk/text every single day and he has given me some of the best advice. He lives in Atlanta(he's a wine/beer/liquor distributor) so we don't see each other. I met him in 7th grade history class. My opinion of him at that time was not that great. He sat next to a girl(bully) who made my life hell. I associated him with her. He then asked me out a few years later and I turned him down rather harshly. I thought he was arrogant and full of himself and wanted nothing to do with him. We laugh about this now. I can't imagine not having him in my life.

Around this same time, Nick came into my friendship loop. Although he is my first guy friend that I have mixed "dating" with. He has also been a constant support during this difficult time. He was a completely unexpected friend for me. I've known him for several years, but never really got to know him. He's funny and easy to talk to. I love that he is introducing me to my new single life by showing me new adventures outside of my suburban bubble. I refuse to let the "dating" mess up the friendship aspect of us though. I like having him as a friend too much.

Then there's Mike. Hi Mike(cause I know you are reading this). He is my Twitter friend. He too has shared the depressing journey of my past year. He makes me laugh and offers me support when I need it. I tease him relentlessly about being his stalker. I think he and I will be friends for a long time. When are we accidentally going to Blanc? (see how I did that? to force you to comment ;))

There are other men who have been my friends at one time or another. They are not less important in having some sort of impact on my life, these are just a few that stand out to me as I reflect today.

People often discuss whether or not men and women can actually be friends. There can be an argument on either side honestly. I have feelings for all of these guys. Are they romantic? Not necessarily. Have there been romantic feelings or confusion with some of them? Yes. But with that said, most of them, I would never have crossed that line because I wouldn't have wanted to muddy the friendship waters. I truly feel like men offer women a distinct and truthful view of life. Women tend to nurture and agree with each other. I have found that if I want the honest truth with no cushion, then I should ask a guy. I know this works the other way as well. Case in point: Travis texted me awhile back on a first date and asked if it was ok for him to get the number of ANOTHER girl while his "date" was in the restroom? Since he wasn't going to go out with this girl again. My response? "Hell no!!" And then the next time we talked I chastised him for even thinking that might be kosher! These questions and interactions are the beauty of male/female friendships.

As I watch my daughter with her first male friend, I reflect on how important the male friends I have and have had are to me. I hope that my daughters find some really great guy friends growing up to share their journeys with, to ask embarassing questions to, to make memories with. I can't imagine my life without these guys in it.