My follow through kinda of, sort of, does suck. I truly wanted to do the year of nurturing and while I haven't stopped nurturing myself, life distracted me from blogging about it.
Each day, each turn it gets a little bit easier. I find more and more, that the things I miss about having my ex here are random to say the least. I miss his t-shirts, I miss the flashlight he always kept under his sink, I miss his shoe shine kit. What I don't miss is him. I finally turned that corner. Now when I see him there is no longing, there is really just a lack of feeling altogether. Sometimes I still get angry, but it is because of the kids. They are still reeling a lot of the time. So I see that, I see him neglecting conversations that need to be happening between him and them and I get upset.
Sometimes at night I get lonely, but it's not for him anymore, it's for a body against me. It's for that security that you feel laying in someone's arms, just the two of you. But other than that, I am doing pretty good. I am living my life, trying things I never have before and truly truly enjoying myself. I sometimes almost feel a little guilty for the enjoyment I am getting out of my life. But not too much.
So while I have been away, I have been healing. I have been taking in life and realizing that while it didn't stop while I was in the depths of hell, life was still here when I was ready to climb out. For that I am grateful.
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