Honesty. It's pretty much the foundation.

From the time we are born we crave trust. We first learn trust by being cared for by our parents, being fed, being tended to when we cry. It truly is the foundation that we are built upon. When I was a teacher one of the first things that I would tell my students was to PLEASE come to me with any questions or concerns and if you make a mistake I would respect you more if you own it rather than if you cover it up. In other words, don't lie to me. I am not writing this as a perfect person. Have I ever lied? Of course, who hasn't. I've found myself in tight spots growing up where I was dishonest because it temporarily relieved a problem. The problem with this temporary relief is that it is just that, temporary. After the immediate storm has passed, then you are left with the lie. And the lie festers inside you...at least it does in me...and takes on this life of guilt and darkness. For me, as I have matured, I have figured out that lies aren't worth the temporary relief. It's best to get to the truth as quickly as possible. I don't want to harm my foundation so I try to always be as honest as possible. And that is where I come to the point of this post. Honesty is SO important to me, that if I find out someone has lied to me, then it impairs my relationship with them. Can I forgive them? Sure, but not without some damage. It may be that I am just not as close to that person anymore OR that it takes time to build the damaged foundation back up. I have been lied to, deeply in the past, by people who I should trust the most. This has made my goal of being a truly honest person even more important. If I am your friend, you can trust me. In return for this trust, I expect people to be honest with me. This week I was saddened to hear that a friend who thought she was protecting me, has lied to me. This is someone who was by my side as I went through all my pain of being lied to, who comforted me, who preached honesty in relationships. I respected her wholeheartedly. I am cut to the core by this. I'm not even sure what to do. I'm sad. I feel like another part of my life is a lie. I don't even care about what she lied to me about. If she had just been honest with me, I could deal with that. It's not my favorite or easiest subject(infidelity), but I could have dealt with THAT so much easier than finding out that she was lying to me. Another quality that I have worked on a lot is not being judgemental about others choices in their lives. I live under the attitude that your sin is yours. You are the one that has to answer for it. God is your judge not me. I am a sinner. I know that I have to answer to my God someday as well for the sins I have committed. So why am I sharing this? Because it's festering in me. Because I'm sad for this person and myself that they didn't trust me to handle their issues. With the situation as it is, there is nothing I can do about it, but wait for her to come to me. Meanwhile I feel like our friendship is being ruined. There is no need for this type of pain to be inflicted on anyone if we are just honest with each other. It's that easy. I realize it would have been hard for her to come to me, but I also know that I would have still loved her. I would have been there for her. As it stands our friendship is on very shaky ground. :(